Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving. It's cool that I got to spend both of my mission-Thanksgivings in Miri. This year, the Risers, the most kindhearted, Christlike senior couple in the history of senior couples, had all the missionaries over and we had a nice Thanksgiving dinner. It felt like home.
A world away from us biking to Pizza Hut last year haha. Fun memories from last week that I forgot to include: Sister Pitts almost getting tagged twice on the highway and our prayers of gratitude for the safety, a guy on a moto trying to grab my hand/my handlebars as I was biking on the highway, and our spare tire falling off the Niah Caves Party Van on our P-Day excursion last week. The driver kept on driving, even with the sound of metal scraping against the road. I yelled, "Um sir, I think it would be a good idea to stop." A couple hundred meters down the road he pulled over and fixed the van.
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| Party van! |
I promise this place is magic.
I've had a million thoughts swimming around my head this week so I hope I can articulate them well. Today is my 16 month mark, I can't believe it's December already. I can't believe it's December again. I should send a quick text to Elder Fowler. Last week, Miri hit its baptismal goal as a zone and the week before, Sibu zone hit its goal. I'm on the best team ever of missionaries. Hand-picked by the Lord.
We passed off all of our investigators to Elder Sheranian and Elder Hill. It was hard to let them go, and of COURSE they all came to church yesterday, and none of Sister Pitts and my investigators did haha, but sikit demi sikit we're building the membership around the church. Boys are so smart. In our pass-off lessons, I took notes on how the elders teach because they teach SO simply and clearly. Repentance = Berubah hati. Also Elder Sheranian is our new district leader and he says he's going to rule Miri with an iron fist. I call his bluff because he secretly loves us. Boys are so stupid. One of our investigators dropped us because he got drunk and got into a fight with one of our members (who is a youth) and pulled a knife on him and now is malu to meet with us. But men are usually pretty good about getting over that kind of stuff, right? Forgive and forget?
I had an interesting spiritual experience a few days ago. We were teaching a less-active part member family, and the dad was so drunk. He was so obnoxious and kept interrupting the lesson, and I saw how much his teenage daughter was bothered by it. She and her neighbor ignored him, and we kept teaching, but all I could think was "I hate you. I hate you so much. You are such a loser." My anger drove the spirit away, so I immediately prayed for charity. "Help me love this man for a little while." I had this feeling of peace and love come over me, and I knew that everything would be okay. And I thought about how the Lord loves me with a perfect love, even though I'm imperfect.
We have such a daunting number of less active members to work with. I got way bummed and asked the Miri 1 missionaries, "What's even the point?" I raged for a little bit more about how I want to move the stupid rock, I don't want to be satisfied with just pushing on it (if you know the metaphor, I know the rock isn't supposed to move on my own, but still) and I don't want to be satisfied with coming home from my mission saying "Wow, that really changed me. Good for me." Someone added they understood they wanted me to feel like I helped build up the church in Malaysia.
I got over it pretty quickly after praying for some humility. I think towards the end of my mission, I just want to do well. But instead of focusing on doing well, I need to say, "Lord, thank you for doing that, and thank you for letting me help." We as missionaries and members of the church just need to be worthy to do the work, and try to get out of the way as the Lord does it on His own anyway. I'm just grateful I got to be a small part of the conversion process for so many people I love.
A lot of missionaries keep wrecking my Malay lately. I don't know why, I feel like I'd been doing pretty well (yes I have a really American accent when I speak) and the members and locals say I'm doing alright. But I feel like I'm kurang for how long I've been out. My self confidence kind of crumbled yesterday, especially as I gave an impromptu talk. (I talked about the story of Christ appearing to the apostles at the Sea of Tiberias). But I learned a valuable lesson, that fear and doubt drive the spirit away just as easily as contention, irreverence, anger, etc. and I recommitted myself to having a "fake it till you make it" attitude like I adopted at the start of my mission.
I am grateful for grace. The Grace of Christ. It's what makes me bike faster and farther than I am capable of on my own and it's what gives me the capacity to love the people I cannot. Grace is what gives me the spirit. And the spirit speaks perfect Malay.
Yesterday in church, I looked at all of the members, these saints, and realized how much I was going to miss them. I love these people so, so much. To ridiculous amounts.
Love you all. See you soon.
xo Sister Wynn
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