Selamat pagi (I guess petang for all of you in America),
My heart is heavy right now. Yesterday, after one of our lessons, Sister LeBaron told me she got a text from our zone leaders saying Elder Liddle's dad died of cancer. I had the opportunity to teach with Elder Liddle and his companion in the MTC and got to know him really well. He's just out of high school and has always been an exceptional missionary, even though he's 6'3" and skinny as a twig because he's only 18. He focused on studies when the rest of us couldn't, and spoke excellent Malay by the time we left. He made us all laugh. So much. Even with his own personal struggles. He didn't talk to me about his dad that often, but during a testimony meeting our second day at the MTC, he briefly mentioned how his dad has cancer, but he was really grateful for the support of church members and for the knowledge that we can be with our families forever. He is strong, always has been.
I had the privilege of seeing him talk to his dad on the phone at LAX, and I loved seeing him light up and tell him about his experiences at the MTC and about Bintulu (his first area). The other Elders we were with gave him a huge hug after. When the APs were in Miri a couple weeks ago, they told me things weren't looking very good for Elder Liddle's dad, and it made me really sad.
I also found myself at a funeral wake, and the next day a funeral, this week. We're not really sure how we ended up there, except that a less active woman, asked the church members for support. We got to know her better these last couple days and are going to continue to support her. Her mom died young, we think she was about 50, too young. She loves talking to Sister LeBaron and me about her mom. She also wants to start attending church again.
We also got pins last week at district meeting, with a Singapore and Malaysian flag, with the words
Elder Jason WiBerg
Singapore Mission
embossed on them. Rumor has it his parents had the pins made and sent to our mission for the missionaries. I never met Elder Wiberg, but all of the events this past week has gotten me thinking about life and death. I read Alma 40 this morning, and listened to some of the words at Dawn's wake. "The spirits of men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life...the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.
The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame."
Death is not the end. Death is not the end.
I never get tired of teaching people that. A few weeks ago, as we were teaching the Plan of Salvation lesson to Ngian (the tiny Iban woman we love so much), Sister LeBaron was explaining how her body can be perfect. It won't ever be sakit (sick, hurt, in pain, it's all one word in bahasa Melayu) again. I started tearing up a little. I never get tired of telling people they can be with their loved ones forever and ever and ever. Elder Liddle's dad doesn't have cancer anymore. Claire's mom doesn't have chest pain anymore. Uncle Paul is fine and healthy. We don't need to worry about them.
I'm also grateful for tender little mercies from God. At church, Sister LeBaron said, "Sister Wynn, do you trust me?" and proceeded to share her plans to make a lot more appointments than we thought we had time for. "I trust you."
The two appointments we had after we got news of Elder Liddle's dad fell through, but I think Heavenly Father knew I needed the bike ride over to their houses to tear up a little and feel sad and think for a while before we had to go to our other appointments. I didn't really cry until an hour ago, while I was doing family history training on the computer and thinking about how families can be together forever. You have to imagine me sitting at an Internet kedai, bawling my eyes out, while there are 9 year olds running around screaming at their computer screens, playing Call of Duty.
Anyway, I've also been thinking about sins and being of the world. There's this prominent Miley Cyrus song that came out a month before I left, and I'm guilty of once loitering in a souvenir shop to listen to it. It's really stupid and worldly and catchy, but when I hear it, I get taken back to the wonderful summer I had, of driving to Gerrit's house, bonfires, trips to the coast, and swimming. But then I also had this resolve to buang (cast out) the things of the world for the rest of my life. There are so many things in the world that compete for my attention, and I'm tired of it.
I was also reading about the conversion of Saul recently, and you have to imagine Sister LeBaron trying to have a peaceful personal study and me bursting out laughing, because I read, "As for Saul, he made havoc of the church," and I had to explain to Sister LeBaron that I imagined Saul kacau-ing (harassing) these poor church members and said, "Man Saul, you used to be a real jerk." I know my personal conversion to the Lord wasn't on the same level as Saul's (like the Caravaggio painting portrays, the one where Saul has fallen off his horse as he is being converted), but I know God doesn't care who we were, He only cares where we're going and that we're doing our best to become more like Christ. Look at Saul, he was a real jerk, but became one of the best missionaries of all time.
I know I have been saved by Christ, and one thing I've been trying to learn this week is how the Atonement is about change. Heavenly Father wants us to change and become better. I know I've been asking Him to help me change, to cast out anything and everything worldly about myself. And I'm dumbfounded by how I make the same mistakes over and over, and God liberally forgives me when I come back with a broken heart and desire to change. Christ's grace is sufficient for me.
I loved General Conference. Some of my favorite things were when Elder Holland said, "Hope is never lost," and "If the bitter cup will not pass, drink it, and become strong." We are 15 million strong now, and there are 80,333 missionaries. I can't believe it's been one year since I was sitting on Austin's couch, crying with him because we both knew I was going on a mission. Why did I ever doubt my decision for so long to serve? Now that I'm here, I know I would do this mission all over again. How many times do the scriptures say "Doubt not," "Doubting nothing," etc? I'm glad I'm here, because if I wasn't, there would only be 80,332 missionaries serving right now, and every one of us count. And those of us without black name tags are missionaries too. We need each other to find people that need the Gospel of Jesus Christ right now.
In other news, I bought a giant bag of longan last week at E-Mart. Longan is so good. When I said, "Terima kasih!" to the farmer, he started laughing at me. I said in Malay, "Are you laughing at me because I have a white person accent?" and he just nodded and kept laughing. He was super cool though because he gave me more longan than I asked for for the same price. I also tried jackfruit for the first time. It's durian's distant cousin in the fruit family tree. Durian isn't in season right now, but when I try it, I'll be sure to share how nasty it is. I also ate a chicken foot at the wake. It was in this bowl of curry, and I was feeling pretty awkward (as I always do at wakes) so I shrugged and piled some curry and chicken feet onto my rice. It's very cartilage-y, and Elder Wayment had to teach me how to bite off the toes and eat the meat around the bones.
Speaking of Elder Wayment, we just found out we're 3rd cousins! His mom is a Purcell, so I'm pretty sure my dad is friends with his mom. Also, I got chased by dogs that can run faster than I can bike. Imagine me screaming and laughing, legs a blur because I'm pedaling so fast, and praying that these anging besar (huge dogs) won't catch me.
I also accidentally drank coffee. This golden family we are teaching right now gave it to us, and I wondered as I drank it, "This is really weird tasting Milo." Sister LeBaron decided not to drink it until after the lesson, and after she took a sip and realized it was coffee, looked over at me with wide eyes and saw that my glass was empty. At that lesson, I also felt a bug crawling under my leg and ignored it, but the family started freaking out and Stanley, one of the sons, smashed this millipede that crawled out from under my leg and explained that they have really painful bites. Dodged a bullet there. Stanley and his sister Shetu are so sweet, and they put their pictures on the inside cover of their Book of Mormon. I love how special this family is. We're trying to get the sons to stop smoking. We found out Subyia also smokes, and yesterday, I thought his mom was kidding, but he said he smokes a pack every two days. I was like, "Dude you're only 16!" But he's really excited to start his plan to stop. I'm always amazed at how willing people are to stop things (even coffee and tea) when we ask them to. I'm this inarticulate girl from America, yet they listen to me and Sister LeBaron and show us so much warmth and love. I love their house too because at night, we light candles so we can see since they don't have lights, like a lot of Iban homes.
I also bought a Malay and Iban Bible last week. It's awesome.
Okay, I'm out of time, but I love you all. Have a good week. Till next time.
-Sister Wynn
P.S. I'm going to Kuching this week for new missionary training! So stoked to see my homeboys from the MTC.
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